-seals-
the seals were stripping out of their skin
telling you not to go
not to leave
the water is there for a reason
going back and forth
back and forth across
telling you not to leave the land
in defense of what is best for you
in the dark night they sounded like bullies
giving you some unwanted lesson
coming out of their skin
like they knew something special
about the future you
and you thought they were telling
some psychological truth
but really it was tangible
do not leave the land
don't go out of the country
in the water on eye level with them
across to the other beaches
flying through the day sky
feeding on narrow nutrition
despising freedom and uncertainty
a small circle of life
the seals' enthralled laziness
from Seals (Many Breaths)
-horses-
she stole horses from me
and hung them on the walls
of the endless staircase
she stole things and put them in boxes
in storage
and collected things of mine
and wanted to tell me where to sleep
and this woman can never stay alone
blue horses with horns and flowers
she didn't want to eat fruits
silken flowers and real roses outside
the spirit flew through the house
just before leaving all together
classical fountains and walkway
the house blasted away
sold to the women and children
cranes on the wall
bordeaux villages micro waved
laughter floats up to the second floor
from Seals (Many Breaths)
-ferry-
the ferry ride was slow
arms wrapped around one another
i'm sorry but there are some things
that it is better to leave to a professional
there are different kinds of loneliness
and we had two different kinds
from one place to another
you always come across as the home town hero
no matter how far from home
no matter how destitute
you know they can relate
anyway you don't take no for an answer
nailing the legs together or nailing them down
the must of encyclopedic conversation
despondent anecdotes
like red pepper jelly and cider
when i think of you i think of
a four oÕclock wool evening sky
the brains that i never really cultivated
the ability to lose a lot of weight
and stay drunk all of the time
-building-
desecrated and renovated
i didn't think we should be there
the dead patterns in the ceiling
there is no way it could be brought back to life
and now a place to hold applause
it was more truthful when it held guns
sea green and salmon mosaics
there are none of the people left
and though it can't be proven
i was one of the killers of children
a black t-shirt man
a fluorescent light man
a blue ink man
a working man
it's not that i think their souls linger there
it is in fact that i think there are no more witnesses
the men who walk around with keys
who claim to know what it was like
in this particular place
this particular place did not exist then
i wanted to be loud and make them angry
the guns should still be there
and our art doesnÕt exist here
chunks of meat and wine
voices were screaming
the battering ram of contentment
jesus it drives me out of my mind
if the place isn't empty it should still hold the guns
if the place isn't empty and doesn't hold guns
it should be full of rocks and salt and dust
it shouldn't have electricity
it shouldn't be holy
it shouldn't make the living feel good about being alive
there is a line drawn in my mind
and i'm not on the side of the living or peaceful
it should be dark scrim and not down the road
off of the main interstate expressway thoroughfare
the building is made of concrete and there are
modern bathrooms
i am horrified of this becoming part of the normal
from Seals (Many Breaths)
-treatment-
there is an illness which is to not be inside the dimensions
it is to be outside the dimensions
illness is spatial
i swallowed all the little things and thought
this is how it feels to be on the inside
not on the outside
a very good approximation was created
so that the reality of it could be pursued
spatiality dimensionality are not understood
and there are reasons why medicine works
or does not work and that is not understood
currently i am receiving treatments from louis
and miranda gave me one short treatment
and bruce and wallace have given me treatments also
there is a place in the snow in upstate new york
where people used to go for the baths
water holds all of the dimensions
and can bring you inside of all of them simultaneously
sometimes paradoxically you can cut up an object
into pieces and come inside the dimensions
sound can bring you inside of all dimensions
touch can bring you inside of all dimensions
my eyes wander
they do not focus
it is difficult to coordinate them with my hands
i cannot aim with accuracy
it is difficult to balance
inside of her she is in denial
she is young and loves the waves
when i am an infant there is a fever
they have to feed fluids into me intravenously
they have to weigh my arms down with sandbags
i try to tear out the needles
she loves being outside
they meet underneath the sport stadium seating
they meet at the beach and drink beer
they are childhood friends
they talk with one another easily
he is different than the other kids around
he is darker and has special things floating inside his veins
she comes from the blonde gypsies (tinkers)
she comes from a long line of tinkers
she misses the hills of north carolina
she is difficult and jealous with all of her sisters
he is an only child
her mother just had a new baby
it is impossible to give oneself treatments exclusively
treatments must be accepted from others
chemicals and pills are acceptable and induce different states
approximating spatiality
they linger in the memory and form attachments to spaces
they become color shadows and faint tracings to be reinforced
in vivid dreams spatiality is supercharged
the next morning live in the thoughts of the dream
to set the energy sign your name five different ways in the same day
tell someone your name is different than it is
smile
from Seals (Many Breaths)
-july-
it comes sniffing around and likes to be close to the floor
it likes feet and heels and legs
it likes leaning on legs and sighing over and over
it likes to cry silently with desire
there is not enough anywhere or anytime
it makes me incompetent
it makes me feel alone even though it is right there
it makes me feel alone because i am the only one
there are six people in the room and i am the only one
who sees it and i am the only one who hears it and
i am the only one who feels it
sometimes it likes the high places and likes to move fast
and is moving through the room in a gust of wind
it comes to all of the old places and takes a look to see what
else is left over that it can grab
it makes its mark on walls
it is ugly and strong a beast
i walk out of the room and down the hall
and down the elevator and down the hall again
and walk out the double doors out into the garden
i talk to various friends on the phone
and try to keep it together
i can't remember the weather
but i can remember the wooden bench
and holding the phone in my hand
and looking down into the phone for the time
and drinking a lot of chocolate milk
there's nothing in details
there's no reality in talking about chocolate milk
all the men and women who acted like there was nothing there
a malfunctioning machine
these aren't good words to make a brain think differently
these aren't good words to take care of that beast
it's got to be got
i'm in a wailing nightmare
looking at the lifelessness of a nero carro
the always triumphant
what we can decide is how we live
so i gathered around me
those bells and those portraits you drew me
and those little boxes and lights and sheet music
and that one picture we found in the junk shop
that looks so much like you and i even though it isn't
you are all so far away: in other cities, other states, other countries.
blessed be it's getting late and there's still clothes in the dryer
and the check for the rent needs to be written and it would be good
for you to call; your number is still in my phone
maybe we can take a trip in the fall to some ruins
you told me that you just wanted to get in a boat and sail around the world
and that is essentially what you did
from Seals (Many Breaths)
-pathos-
that which i define myself against is goodbye
in the dream he was a friendly loveable animal
in the dream animals can speak
they speak about everything that is within them
they want complete emotional freedom
they have complete emotional freedom
they work towards complete emotional freedom
they create beautiful places
aesthetics and meaning are one
he was an artist who hid in the attic
he painted with whatever materials he could find
he saw things in the future
that would happen to himself
he tried to escape emotional degradation
it was not to be
not in the times he was living
there are painful things to mention
to surrender to
he has the raw materials for artistic expression
he chooses to keep everything inside
he chooses to give up painting
his entire artistic output is located in one museum
i am in love with a man who gave up
who gave me giving up
traveling on trains in cars in planes
with false papers or at least they have the wrong name on them
seeing the open spaces
so much open it is unbelievable
multiple men will have to make up for him
multiple loves for giving up
but only one animal in a dream
my animal i hold close
from Seals (Many Breaths)
-rocks-
maria talks to me
she stands on sand under trees
by some kind of river or creek
and shows me the wild onions
growing there
and she tells me that she has eight children
that i should talk to all of the children
they have a lot to say
i could learn a lot from them
there names are unclear
maybe one is named edgar and one is named barber
they used to live in indiana
in a very small town
she shows me about the rocks
about what they do just by being rocks
she says i have to keep onions in my house at all times
she says i shouldn't eat onions if i can help it
except for on special occasions
she is a kind woman and has had a good life
she is a happy woman and feels full and satisfied
she says i should read about the rocks
she says that the string is like a magnifying glass
it will help me read the words that seem far away
she says that i should be patient
it takes a long time to learn all these things
she doesn't come around too often
i always named my dolls maria
there were at least three or four named maria
they lived in a small place named tiny town
it was incorporated one christmas
there is a library there
everyone that lives there has a library card
i owned a newspaper and a restaurant in tiny town
everyone read the newspaper
everyone ate at the restaurant
they were both very successful
maria is not a doll
i don't really know what maria is besides a person
she has a friend named buddy
who showed me some things about the rocks
the most important thing about them is to have a dictionary on hand
for the words that you don't understand
though the language is plain some words can be difficult
from Seals (Many Breaths)
-farm-
she used to move around
nervous exhaustion
cleaning running
rumoring her name
in multiple lines
and old wives tales
in one room and then the next
on to another and out
trade school
vocational counseling
and a general education diploma
sunshine had to be had
the chemicals were too much
laughing bubble gum
candy movies
now there's the television
in the living room
and the television
in the bed room
and the phone in the bed room
and the phone in the living room
she had to calm herself down
quite frankly by becoming more ill
by becoming lethargic
one might say
by becoming extremely immovable
airplanes are meant for those
with at least genuine high school degrees
polly never wanted a cracker
what she wanted was a cookie
that man was totally oblivious
or maybe he just didn't care
and it is hard to get good help these days
they just as well rob you blind
on the television
a lot of times there is dancing
glamorous heat waves
women say:
charge it to my husband's account
her last major purchases were
all small things
a hand held vacuum and towels
there was a movie i watched that she had never thought of before
why would anyone want to make a movie like that
it didn't make you want to laugh
it didn't make you want to cry
there is not much information about the state in which she lives
from Seals (Many Breaths)
-original darkness-
the white
becomes the black
the black
becomes the white
colorless light
let the room be dark
but there still is light
coronas of breath
original darkness
the black of ink
the ink of black
around us
and in us
the room is dark
as dark as can be
from Original Darkness (Kranky)
-fountain youth-
we are losers
of ourselves
in the car
on the road
to our destination
we sit side by side
the craving for sweetness
it's contagious
the result of having
all that we want
why do we have such a fear
of having to give of ourselves?
we want someone to be an example
someone to be weaker
fear of the equal
fear of the equal
from Original Darkness (Kranky)
-you are so far away-
hopelessly false
hopelessly in decline
most things seem to happen
outside of here
i don't know what i expect
to happen
the future seems impossible
close to you
but as soon as i leave
you're so far away
and the flow of time
is so important
and i'm never in it
a retreat, a silence
contemplation
a discipline
i wasn't fufilled
but could have been comfortable
a plainness, a simplicity, a guitar
not songs
not stories
not morals
evanescence, a pattern
that will never repeat again
and i miss that guitar
it's buzzing
someone somewhere tonight
from Original Darkness (Kranky)
-refound mary-
i re-found mary
in Forestville
cold pea princess
walking like a new mother
my belly
verge of sore
from the first
one night stand
do you feel
the making love
wanting to get it
in there quick
sorry for you
the brunt of jokes
guilty of being party to
going to a reunion
the same way you stand
you stood then, strong
your german name
unfamiliar to their
italian tongues
from Original Darkness (Kranky)
-capable of murder-
the man is capable of murder
in fact, he has murdered
outside his home
for his wife and his daughter
for they share in the violence
his daughter the angel
and his wife the saint
and his wife do we understand her
for she understands him
she speaks in whispers of his love
from Original Darkness (Kranky)
-hidden man-
hidden man
never a man to reveal
his eyes
how they look
beyond death
a man of the air
and of evil
and yet
the look of a man
who also has been tender
a portrait
of a mercenary
the thug
he is stupid
he only has instinct
or the man
who is ordinary
neither instinctual
nor thoughtful
a photograph of the dying
missioned to life
from Original Darkness (Kranky)
-i do not love a woman-
i do not love a woman
i love the way she smiles
in the halo of light
the crooked eyes
her skin so pale in b&w
her hair brown like a mouse
or yellow like a bird
i do not love a woman
i love the way she laughs
the way she tells her stories
the way she sings the songs
never touching earth
oh, the night is for flying
& candles were made to be lit
from Original Darkness (Kranky)
-suffering-
when in the world
there is so much pain
so much pain
for those who suffer
are there those who do not suffer
will there be those who do not suffer
when in the world
those that you love
create and cause the suffering
there is so much suffering
going through the world
going through the world
we have lost our way
if they keep their way
the way of wrong power
from Original Darkness (Kranky)
-inprisoned body-
the hurt in your face
is evident
as it destroys you
it destroys us
the inprisoned body
stare direct
into the camera
not the eyes of deceit
yet the life of a liar
what kind of world is this
cops kill men without reason
they don't spend their time in jail
what are the true crimes
you have seen them
you have done them
for those who commit them
power in your eyes
not in what you say
but in what you see
and in what you do
power in your eyes
not in what you say
but in how you look
what you allow
yourself to see
and in what you do
from Original Darkness (Kranky)
-do you recognize my voice?-
the voice in different cadences
the voice of oration
the voice that resembles wind
the voice that sounds like steel
coming up from the inside
echoing
it sounds like a voice i have heard before
all contained within
a familiar voice (the familiar voices)
the voice of a woman
the voices of women, the voices of men
the voice of a man
and you will hear the people shout
wake the nations underground
from Original Darkness (Kranky)
-identity erased-
are those open notes
a vast empty space
a place for casual identity
to be erased
if the intent's not pure
then the intent's not pure
but the pleasure
is in its spell
the transformation
and all lies are gone
even if you didn't know
that's what you're doing
that's what you did
and casual identity
is replaced
by an open space
and music for the present
music for the future
music for the now
and for the now later
from SY Box project
-memory-
a memory
takes hold of me
with a jealous touch
of where the clouds
went drifting past
in the days gone by
likeness
of darkness
home from the war
the drummers are returning
are they not
as the grass in the field
the grass is so green
home from the war
the drummers are returning
home from the war
home from the war
from Charalambides - Likeness (Kranky)
-aging-
if i was walking backward
you'd still be so far away
but i am walking forward
you'd be suprised
by how quickly i've aged
lovers in the park
do you know my words of death
i'm sick and i don't know
how to get from here to there
you caught me in my last bloom
playing the game of youth
trying to live more before...
lovers riding on the bus
who remember having shelter
but can't quite bring themselves
to talk about it
lovers in the cemetery
sunlight liquid of beauty
has to be seen before the moon
practical considerations
miseries and money
castle in the old country
worthless feudal jailers
if only love meant
the liberation of the people
and the energy of that night
it seemed as though
it would last forever
shivering hands touching fingers
forgive me for growing old so fast
i am aged by the sorrow i feel
the shadows of the lovers
framed in the window
smoking their discontent and fascination
to the old songs
of their people invaded
from Christina Carter/Pocahaunted split (Not Not Fun)
-death-
i will not lie
i am afraid sometimes
i wonder will i wake up
in the morning
or will this be the time
i die before i wake
and there is not enough time
there is less and less time
have i lived enough
will i live enough
done all i have to do
do all i am here to do
will i make my peace at last
the comfort of accomplishment
lose the contents of my memory
the contents of my identity
lose contact with these days and nights
i don't want to be taken away from
and i don't know what to do
i don't know what to say
i feel i have failed my despair and anger
and i am grateful for my life
and want to preserve peace and happiness
but at what cost to others
i was born in the south
and i know what i've seen
i saw the generals and what they did
to those who would not hide
to those who could not hide
and i am afraid of being left behind
to face the dark days ahead
surrounded by people who have forgotten
what it is to have such a thing as a soul
from Christina Carter/Pocahaunted split (Not Not Fun)
-dreams-
i want to go back to that place
the place of being inside of myself
inside a house where events remain
and accumulate
and the spirits want to feel
the interaction with my spirit
the resistance of my will
i want to become more of myself
in rooms filled with garbage
turned into hearts
the art of sleep walking
walking on quiet feet
i am dedicated and focused
feel no absence or emptiness
i am not looking for a place
to lay down my burden
i want to carry more
from Christina Carter/Pocahaunted split (Not Not Fun)
-solitude-
the part that is quiet
the part that is waiting
the part that is hiding
the part holding breath
the part that's unreachable
the part that's untouchable
the part that's unknowable
unreachable
untouchable
unknowable
the part that doesn't breathe
talk or laugh or cry
waiting in the dark
protecting the dark
the dark is dense
the dark is small
the dark is dense
the dark is small
the part like an animal
the part that's not scratching
the part that's just staring
with eyes closed
with eyes closed
closed to memories
closed to histories
closed to human folly
closed to weakness
the immobile animal
in solitude
unreachable
untouchable
unknowable
from Christina Carter/Pocahaunted split (Not Not Fun)
-what is the will of the people?-
what is the will of the people
where is the will of the people
where can i find the will of the people
are the existing conditions
the will of the people
the desolation of class difference
the derangement of magic's original purpose
the mistake of power
wrong love, wrong power
eyes and ears and fear of fear
and bombs of revenge
is this what is called living?
the redefinition of torture
the demorilization of the people
death of our souls
death of our conscience
death on our hands
when will enough be enough?
know the lies of this war
the lies of this nation
our system of endless war
from a cappella 7" compilation set (Root Strata)
-the long walk-
where is the justice
for those driven from their homes
the boats are on the water
the taste we can not remember
the taste we will regret
as begun so shall it end
it takes longer than the long walk
from The Bastard Wing - To Contain Love (Ultra Hard Gel)
-stone-
i walk the woods under cover by the stream
partially frozen but absent the snow
normal for this time of year
the red berries hang from branches
and the geese are sometimes going
and the bluebirds who once had nests
now abandoned are going
but i can see, i can see
the snow it is not coming
so i turn to the rocks
turn to the rocks for an answer
i pick three red berries
and throw them in the water
to remember my name
pick up pebbles to put them in my pocket
and the ghosts run away at my heels
it is said that memory is genetic
passed down in the heart, hands, and mind
it is said that my father came down from a mountain
and settled into the place of rocks
it is said that the snow comes with love
from The Bastard Wing - To Contain Love (Ultra Hard Gel)
-the falling apart-
the falling apart
i heard the demon
on the island
out of the darkness
the one voice
for the gathering of many
the voice of the water
the demon of limits
the voice of the north
eagles and majestic
deep green
stop, a hindrance to you
the natural current
when your oars
are in the water
from The Bastard Wing - To Contain Love (Ultra Hard Gel)
-To Contain Love-
As society expects
to contain love
my longing, my longing
as you travel
through beautiful cities
following dangers
I am condemned
to this safe place
to imagine
return to me
your shining, your shining
and I will learn
the detachment of poison
so that I may follow you
through beautiful cities
from The Bastard Wing - To Contain Love (Ultra Hard Gel)
-Laugh At A Book-
I can laugh at a book
I can laugh at your nerve
what must they think of you
what do they think
of your inner nihilism
what do they think of you
a boy has died
was kidnapped and shot
and a man who would kill
there is no money
there is no acting
only a man who believes
every word, every deed
oh, my son
my poor son
for The Galactic Zoo Dossier magazine compilation
-A Blind Eye-
I was born in the south
born in the heat
born in november
to indeterminate people
my face holds signs
a face of no answers
oh, the galveston waves
silver dollars and booze
scenes of insanity
never quite the summer of love
the young leaders
mocked and spit
on the gentle girls
real casualties
teachers turned a blind eye
they called their team The Generals
and they glorified its grey and gold
and I still hate those colors
when they raised the flag
they made us say the oath
which contained a prayer
from Texas Blues Working (Blackest Rainbow)
-Other Planet-
From here I can't see the stars
and I haven't been to the other planet
like I was promised
the cat got took in for stitches
he can't seem to stay out of fights
they all have sharp claws these days
I want to write anonymous letters
and leave them all over the city
I'm not qualified for anything else
I've got to be like a cactus
but what does it matter
when there's no one here to care
from Texas Blues Working (Blackest Rainbow)
-Dinner Plate Of Dust-
Thinking about paying the bills
I've tasted wine, been in a brand new car
and worn new shoes
I know the taste of steak
shadows flicker on a dinner plate of dust
get a trumpet
diamonds are just slightly out of reach
and poison like no tomorrow
I can walk into any store
and across any street
my road is two cars wide
hearing my voice in no one else's ears
hearing my voice loud and clear
from Texas Blues Working (Blackest Rainbow)
lights went out last night
the lights went out last night
and I can tell you I was a little afraid
it was exciting and it didn't last long enough
and I am thinking about acting and how
i am doing it too much but not enough and
I'm slipping back into this culture
where there is no way I can not be a lady
and I know we were there for all three tours
(written history not withstanding)
it wasn't a time for joy, I didn't know what I was doing
what would you do? riding all those miles
with a stranded feeling of doubt and loss and
getting up there at night in the darkness
with only those same guts to guide you
in a trance of what's not worth repeating
(give me a dime for every time there was
a vulturous nothing waiting)
two approaches simultaneous side by side for the taking
but not for the taking. it's in the blood in the time of birth
in the moment where, where, where
in a room filled with boxes coming in from another country
a past life so short lived where I thought I could be another
I'll never learn what was in that prospect alone or together
I need the lights to be on, to go out, to come on again
well, are you wanting...waiting?
does the limit of your culture tell you you are different?
something special like the dream of a german writer or
a vision of a california desert mystic?
in reality not brought into reality
to give you a sense of what to do or who to be
I don't have a sense of what to do
I make a place for people to gather
to visit my eyes and what I'm thinking
a place for me to be something else
and shit the stuff back out from my culture
where to lose all sense of an other
I'm going to be someone else for the
rest of the year & call & cry & fit & wander
there is no home past this world
past this night, past my bed
there is no 'ember', no living jewel
no being-ness in words or books
what did you think when you put me in the ground?
a grave for all your former actions
when you stressed my special witness
tension lost and forever lost and forever lost
Do you think I can forget the passion lightly?
no way, no how, I am always remembering
a sense of distrust of motivation
I can change my voice to suit any of my occasions
please think of this when you find yourself wondering
what you did and you won't have to ask
you never could spell my name - the secret spelling
you would know it if you entered my actual living
I told you plain and it was simple
but what I do in itself is disconnected connection
to the modern way of being. I'm crying
those many sirens coming from all over
the lights are something wrong, no never, never
what bits of plastic and sound and hillside
going over and over this stuff in my mind, the boxes
You send me your way of doing things denial, denying
you are a success and I can't catch up with you
you were fine with leaving me behind, sitting on a bench
not knowing how long we'd been there, now that's success
I can do without the thought of friends buying pizza
the drugstore is closing down so no more buying smokes
drifting past the bridge and the outside fountain
getting a drink, washing hair, losing sweat, blowing out
mountains that I'm not from
I'm from the water, the sand and stone and near rocks
coming up on the old ropes and shoes lost a decade ago
hot bad coffee - I would drink a lot of that
and grilled cheese & bad pickles
and I've gotten past too many hours on the job
what I am is not what I want to be but I can't be any other
are you the same? are you really, really the same?
I want to rage against all the rage and my rage
the contests and the competition
the old flags that are flying the smug smallnesses
the place I find myself in the place women are being put in
but never no more being put in those commercials
I want to be a great mind - you could be a great woman mind
a great mind woman, a great woman and great mind
I have got no other call to me but to not be a lady
not a woman, but a writer, a dreamer & actor & casualty of myself
from Two Night Films (Azriel)
